It’s been a very long time since I have posted something on my tumblr. Especially something meaningful. But lately I have been having the urge to write, and I think it always has to do with this time of year. This might be a long one, but I kind of hope at least a few of you actually read through this whole post.
Around this time last year, I had one of the most cliche, but hardest times of my young adult life. A boy who I thought I loved left me over a piece of paper. I remember it as though it was yesterday. I was working out with my trainer, I got out of my session and had a text that read “there is something for you on the TV.” It was the day of my cousins wedding, so I thought maybe there was this ring I had been eyeing for months to match my dress. The second I got home, his car gone, I started getting a weird feeling. A yellow piece of paper, folded in half, written in some poetic manner. I read it, realizing what was happening but not reacting until I read over “I’m leaving you” two or three times. I walked to my moms room and just collapsed and screamed. I was blindsided and that’s what made the entire situation so rough.
I should have seen it, though. About a year and a half previous, when we just started seeing each other, he told me he wasn’t good in relationships. I never forced him to be with me, it always just ended up that way. After a long time, he finally made things official and I believed he had changed. The way the break-up happened, I realized it never had.
Throughout my healing process of this broken heart, I realized who my true friends were. The ones who dropped everything they had going on to be with me. April held my hand through my cousins wedding ceremony because I couldn’t even open my eyes. She helped me laugh when I could do nothing but cry. Other friends made sure I didn’t stay at home every night, or would bring me silly gifts to brighten my day. My mom slept in bed with me and rubbed my head until I fell asleep every single night. My only doubt was that I would be able to open up and trust someone ever again. I always told myself I knew I’d be okay, I just didn’t know when it would happen.
Eventually it did. Me and the ex still had drama from drunken babble over the internet and continued to fight for months. Finally as I realized everyone was right, especially my father, this breakup was the best thing that could have happened to me, was the day I let it all go. Me and my ex sat in my car and talked it out. We went to the bar and had a drink. We have been fine since.
Not long after that had all happened, was when I had my month long trip to Europe. It was by far the greatest experience I have ever had in my life. I think about it every day, and I am beyond thankful for my friends I met there, that I honestly believe I will know for a very long time. It was only a month, but I feel like it really helped me learn a lot about myself and I grew up quite a bit while I was there.
Soon after I returned home was when I started talking to this boy. We immediately hit it off, and I was very afraid of what was going to happen. I didn’t know if I really should get into a new relationship. I kept asking myself if I was ready. Will I be able to trust this person? I continued to hang out with him, and continued to fall for him. As my plans to move back into the city were getting more concrete, and as he was moving out that way too, I figured it may have been some sign and I should let myself do it. After all the bullshit I had put up with in the last relationship, maybe I was finally being dealt a good hand.
It’s only been a handful of months since we have been together, but it feels like it’s been millions. And in a good way. I can’t get enough of my boyfriend and I miss him every minute we’re apart. I told my mom once that I feel silly saying stuff like that because I am so young and because we haven’t been together forever and she said to me “When you know, you know.” My parents have always been supportive of me, but they love my boyfriend almost as much as I do.
I try not to compare, because not only is it not fair to my wonderful boyfriend, it’s not really relevant either. It just doesn’t matter. But it makes me feel better about myself to know someone loves me as much as I love him. I feel ridiculous for ever thinking I had loved before I met my boyfriend now. He gets me, doesn’t judge me. He makes me feel beautiful. He laughs at my jokes and doesn’t make me feel dumb, even though I can be. He likes to go out and do things. He likes to take me on dates and dance with me at the Green Mill. I honestly believe I am the luckiest girl alive.
I guess all I’m trying to say is, one year ago I was at one of the lowest points of my life. And it took a little under a year to feel on top of the world. I am so grateful for everyone who helped me through the rough times, and even more thankful for everyone who stuck by me when I got better.